finally,
finally getting everything i have worked so hard for, cheer, gymnastics, college, scholarships, but what everything that i actually need?? like, family or friends to enjoy the holidays with. not another empty year… :(
Playlist ATM:
Not this year - Aly & AJ
All I want is you - Justin Bieber
Worth Fighting for - Katy McAllister
The one that got away - Katy Perry
Someone like you - Adele
Last Christmas - Ashley Tisdale
My only wish this year - Britney Spears
Back to December - Taylor Swift
Remember December - Demi Lovato
Best Friend - Jason Chen
Great week full of events, now that its over back to thinking and stressing.
this past weekend has been so crazy. seeing so many people so happy and thankful for what they have and being with their friends and family sucked. i honestly hated the holiday and can’t think of a single thing to be thankful for. i have no family, the friends that i actually care about aren’t with me anymore…basically i’m not surrounded by anyone that i care about or are important to me. accepted by NYU tisch and stern, all stars cheer, top flyer, i don’t need any of that. id give it all up in a heartbeat for the people i care about. id give anything to have them back. people say i should be thankful im alive, but im not. id rather die than be alone here. im not thankful for anything. call me selfish, but its true. I just want my friends and family back…
Melbourne, has been one of the most amazing adventure I have ever had.Meeting the most amazing people, having the greatest opportunities, having a different perspective of everything.
UK, nothing beats time with the family like tea and crumpets. Shopping, learning, talking, many experiences and memories made.
NJ, nothing beats seeing my best friend again. Nothing beats being on the east coast, jersey shore, and driving around the long roads of jersey off into the sunset and at night driving through the beautiful night with an amazing view of the full moon.
One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.
i packed up all those kind words, broken promises, smiling pictures, happy memories, then i tore my heart out of my chest and threw it in the box with the rest of the things that once made us an “us”. I closed the box, marked it “Forever Yours”, and watched you walk off with everything I can’t live without.
Oh mother, please mother I’d love to leave you alone, but I can’t let you go. Don’t you remember I’m your baby girl? How could you push me out of your world? Lied to your flesh and your blood Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved. Don’t you remember I’m your baby girl? How could you throw me right out of your world? So young when the pain had begun, Now forever afraid of being loved.
I check tumblr everyday, my dashboard, lovequotesrus, shehasasecret, all of those. And I always see hundreds of things that I like that relate to me or are my exact thoughts. But i stopped trying to reblog them or put them up on my blog because, well, i’m done. I’m so tired and miserable. Posting it doesn’t help me at all. It doesn’t help me express how I feel, it just makes me think of every shitty thing even more. I don’t wanna think of every thing anymore. I wanna move on, I wanna be happy too. I wanna be me again. I need to find myself again. I’ve lost passion for anything, my heart has been missing for quite some time now and it sucks. I miss smiling. It hurts to even try to smile or be happy, because then I just get this heavy feeling in my chest like I can’t breathe and I feel the pain again. I hate it. I really really hate it. I miss smiling and being happy . Being me. What happened to me? oh, simple, YOU screwed me over. and left me there. im still here waiting. i can’t figure out how to get back up. everytime i try i get shot back down again. all in all, how do i get back up again ? how do i erase everything in my past? i hate feeling like nothing. i need to be ME.
A KISS IS A KISS, BUT, then there are kisses that freeze time, take your breathe away, make your heart race. The lust takes over. The tender and soft lips touching as the tongues slither with the tango dance. Your hands on her back and hips, her hands in your hair and neck, as you pull each other closer and deeper. You step away for a moment and realize a part of you is now incomplete. How can this be you wonder as you re-engage with the kiss…
i wanna wait for you after class. give you a hug. take you out on a nice break, talk , grab a bite to eat. stay with you as you do your work, ill be in the background keeping you company, providing anything you need. cook you dinner or order in pizza if you want for dinner. at night when you’re done, cuddle to a movie. fall asleep together. ill make you breakfast in the morning. kiss you off to another good day.
that would be a perfect trip.
i dont know what to put on here.
i only have two emotions left:
1. NEEDING him back in my life
2. Happiness when I think of our good times in the past, his incredible smile, his laugh..his…oh <3
i never knew packing could be this depressing.
Take chances, a lot of them.
Because honestly, no matter where you end up with whom, it always ends up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.
It’s sad how he can just forget me like that. How he can walk away like we never had any connection. How he can easily forget everything, while I’m here reliving the happy memories that will never happen ever again.
You were the only real thing in her life. We all wear masks. Everyone, everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really want to be; who we should be. You were that for her.
